What cooking/seasoning spice herb can be found in the court of law?
A person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room.”
The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says: “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”
The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A very few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty.
“But how?” inquires the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”
Answers the representative: “Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t.”
A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, “Sorry, kid, but baggers can’t be juicers.”
A woman was having a medical problem – her husband snoring. She called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her suffering.
“Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and then payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.”
“Wow!” the woman exclaimed, “sounds like leasing a new sports car!”
“Hmmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?”
Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.
“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.
I replied, “No, I always give 110%.”
What do you call a snowman in Florida?
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”
Next they passed the House of Parliament – started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
“Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!”
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.
“Whoah! What’s that over there?” asked the Texan.
The driver replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”
My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
“Are we expecting guests?” I asked.
“No,” she replied.
“Then why did you buy so much bread?”
Teacher: “Class, in this final exam, everybody should get at least 75% marks.”
Student: “We are all trying for 100% sir!”
Teacher: “Are you being serious?”
Student: “Well, no sir. But it was you who cracked a joke first.”
One fisherman to another, “You should’ve seen what happened yesterday at the lake.”
“I caught a twenty-three pound salmon!”
“Were there any witnesses?”
“Yes, of course! If there wasn’t, it would’ve been thirty-three pounds.”
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”
Doctor Young thought this would be a great opportunity. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Aaagh ! This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.’’
Dr. Young goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak. I can hardly see anything!”
Dr. Geezer gives him $10 and says, “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that. Here’s your $1000 back.”
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”