During a test, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation and left and right for information!
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH.
He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him.
He sped up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up.
The man then noticed that the chicken had three legs, so he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm.
The curious man got out of his car and noticed that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, “What’s up with these chickens?”
The farmer explained, “Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I’m gonna be a millionaire.”
“How do they taste?” asked the man.
“Don’t know,” replied the farmer, “haven’t caught one yet.”
A guy goes to top of the mountain and screams, “I love you!”
Echo replies, “I have a boyfriend!”
Interviewer: So what do you have planned for the future?
Interviewer: No, I mean long term.
Me: Oh… Dinner.
I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
I’m changing my name to “Everyday” because that’s what people I owe money to call me.
Bob was sitting at the table one morning, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known for his lack of IQ.
He turned to his wife and said, “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”
She replied, “Why, thank you, Dear!”
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. “It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed. “But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?”
“Well,” the husband said, “we changed our plans.”
His wife cut in, “Oh, tell the truth, Fred. You know, it’s just ridiculous. Fred simply will NOT ask for directions.”
England has no kidney bank. But it does have a Liverpool.
I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough!
I believe the right girl for me is out there, in some corner of the earth. But unfortunately, the earth is round.
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face. Before the bartender could recover, the man began weeping.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.”
The bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem.
“I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,” the bartender said. “My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they get.”
Six months later, the man was back. “Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving a glass of white wine.
“I certainly did,” the man said. “I’ve been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.” He took a sip of the wine, then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. “The doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good,” he sputtered.
“On the contrary,” the man claimed, “he’s done me world of good. I still throw wine in peop-le’s faces. “But it doesn’t embarrass me anymore.”
My doctor said he’s been practicing medicine for 30 years…
What I want to know is when will he start doing it for real?
Wife: Whatcha doing?
Wife: You did that yesterday.
Me: I wasn’t finished.
I met a Russian Dentist and her name was Anesthesia.
I thought this could be love.
Sadly, I felt nothing.