75 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars

It’s strange to think 75 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has a car and only the rich own horses.y will see a need for a new one.
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Tom bragged about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for to his wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”
“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says, “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”
The clerk replies, “Canned or frozen?”
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A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied, “That would be my husband’s check book.”
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A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets.
The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”
“Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”
“No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!”
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I had an uncle who was allergic to cotton. He got some pills for the condition but couldn’t get them out of the bottle.
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After years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
“Yes, you were son,” his mother said as she started to cry softly. “But it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”
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Patient 1: “Why did you run away from the operation table?”
Patient 2: “The nurse was repeatedly saying ‘don’t get nervous’, ‘don’t be afraid’, ‘be strong’, ‘this is a small operation only’, things like that.”
Patient 1: “So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?”
Patient 2: “She was talking to the surgeon!”
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
“Can you read this?’’ the optician asked. “Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.’’
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said. “Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. Turn them! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt.’’
The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’’
The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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A young soldier was up before his commanding officer for a reprimand.
After going through a list of his misdemeanors the CO says, “And another thing, I didn’t see you in camouflage practice this morning.”
“Thank you, Sir,” the soldier replied.
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Teacher: If there are seven flies and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left?
Little Johnny: Just the squashed one.
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The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer. He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and said, “Well, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up, Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” the worker replied. “And just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.”
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My doctor says she’s been practicing medicine for ten years…
I asked her to call me when she’s done practicing and gets serious.
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Teacher: If there are seven flies and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left?
Little Johnny: Just the squashed one.
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Top Ten Caddy Comments…
Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
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Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
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