Funny Bones
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After drinking, men talk unnecessarily
“Yes, Theo, what is it?” asked the teacher. “I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I don’t get better...
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75 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars
An American tourist was visiting a small village in Newfoundland. He approached a local person and asked, “What’s the quickest way to Marystown?” The local,...
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What do you do when you see a Spaceman?
Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!” ••••••••••...
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Do not underestimate your abilities
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire,...
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for
When my wife was in labor, I would tell her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused. It must have...
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A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century,” she said. “We don’t...
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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison! •••••••••• A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you...
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50 Dollars is 50 Dollars
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. •••••••••• A grasshopper...
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Three men were sitting on a park bench
Two friends are talking and one says to the other, “I am so tired of people not understanding what I’m talking about.” His friend asks,...
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Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The Minister...
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Don’t drag my family into this
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee...
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My wife bought me a mood ring
Did you hear about the young lady who was addicted to line dancing? They put her in a two step program. •••••••••• A pirate walks...
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Where there’s a will, I want to be in it
I have a friend who made billions of dollars writing and selling Cliff Notes. One day I asked him where he got the idea and...
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My memory is not as sharp as it used to be
A stage mother cornered the concert violinist in his dressing room and insisted he listen to a tape of her talented son playing the violin....
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How does Bigfoot tell time?
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “Excuse me, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you...