Did you know that 97% of the world is dumb?

A college professor was giving a big science test. Upon collecting the tests she noticed a note attached to one of them with a $100 bill underneath it. The note read, “One dollar per point please.”
The professor returned the test the following with $40 and a note attached. The note read, “Here’s your $40 change.”
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Why is the nose in the middle of your face?
Because it is the scenter!
• What do you call a Magician without magic?
Ian.
• Humans are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
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Golfer 1: “What a strange looking ball you are using. I never seen one like that before.”.
Golfer 2: “It’s fantastic. If you hit it into the trees it automatically bleeps loudly so it’s easy to find. And if you hit it into the lake it has a little flotation collar and paddles that bring it back to the shore. And if it’s foggy there’s a little blue light that flashes so you can’t lose it” Golfer 1: “That’s amazing! Where did you get it?”
Golfer 2: “I found it.”
An extremely wealthy Sheikh was holding a party in his desert palace.
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A wealthy Sheikh hosting an international business social said three guests he would give the first of them to swim the length of his pool $1 million.
As they waited for the start, the three men watched the Sheikh release two great white sharks and lots of chum into the pool.
The Frenchman ran away. The American fainted. The Englishman dived in swam to the other end much faster than the sharks. The shocked guests all looking on as the Sheikh true to his promise asked the Englishman what he was going to do with the money.
“Find out the lowlife scoundrel who pushed me into the pool,’’ he replied.
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A duck walks into a convenience store. He asks the man at the counter, “You got any grapes?” Guy at the counter says, “No, we don’t have any grapes.” Duck says “okay” and he leaves.
The next day the duck comes back in and says, “You got any grapes?” The man once again replies, “No! We do not have any grapes.” The duck says “okay” and he leaves.
The third day the duck walks in again and asks, “You got any grapes?” The man is very annoyed and says, “No, and if you come in here again and ask for grapes, I’m gonna nail your bill to the floor!”
The duck replies “okay” and leaves.
The fourth day the duck returns once again and asks, “You got any nails?” The man at the counter says “No.”
The duck says, “Well then, you got any grapes?”
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A women is getting lunch ready when the phone rings.
“This is the middle school calling about your son Johnny. He’s been caught telling unbelievable lies.”
“I’ll say he has,” the woman replies, “I don’t have a son.”
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As the pastor gave his pretty lengthy sermon, he noticed one of his parishioners dozing off.
After church and as they were leaving, the pastor jokingly asked the dozer if he got a good rest during his sermon.
The parishioner quickly responded, “Not really, someone kept talking all the way through it.”
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To the teenager that flipped me off this morning for honking my horn.
Your Coffee and cell phone are on the roof of your car.
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I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place.
All my love,
Belinda.
P.S. – Congratulations on winning last week’s Powerball lottery.
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• Did you know that 97% of the world is dumb?
Luckily I’m in the other 5%!
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.
• You spend the first two years of their life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them to sit down and shut up.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.