Different views on doing laundry

A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”
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Two sociologists are sitting by the pool. One turns to the other and asks, “Have you read Marx?”
The other replies, “Yes, it’s these darn wicker chairs!”
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What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer?
A father in law.
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As I pulled into the gas station, I noticed a woman trying to push her car toward the pump. Having always considered myself a Good Samaritan, I parked and joined her in pushing her car.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m giving you a hand,” I said. “What are you doing?”
“I’m stretching before my run.”
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Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
“No sun.”
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What I Want in a Man, Original List: 1. Handsome; 2. Charming; 3. Financially successful.
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32): 1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head); 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs; 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42): 1. Not too ugly (bald head OK); 2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car; 3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally.
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52): 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed; 2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public; 3. Doesn’t borrow money too often.
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62): 1. Doesn’t scare small children; 2. Remembers where bathroom is; 3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep.
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72): 1. Breathing; 2. Doesn’t miss the toilet.
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A woman calls her mother.
“My husband and I have been fighting so much lately. I am going to come live with you again.”
Her mother replies, “No dear, he should pay for his mistakes. I am coming to live with you.”
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Different views on doing laundry…
Son away at college: If it’s clean it goes on the floor. If it’s dirty it goes on the floor over there.
Husband while wife is away: If I just take things out of the hamper as I need them, I do not have anything to fold.
Wife: With the amount of laundry I do, there must be more people living in this house!
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First grade teacher: “There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is ‘gross’ and the other is ‘cool.'”
Rachel: “Yeah? So, what are the words?”
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Tech: “Hello, this is tech support. What can I help you with today?”
User: (describes problem)
Tech: (rattles off computer jargon)
User: “Sorry, I don’t understand. Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?”
Tech: “Okay… ‘Hi, could you please put your mommy on the phone?'”
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A man walks up to a librarian and asks, “Do you have any books on Pavlov’s dogs and Schrödinger’s cat?”
The librarian responds, “It rings a bell but I’m not sure if it’s here or not.”
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Little Johnny went with his mother for the first time to deliver lunches to the elderly.
Little Johnny kept starring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
“The tooth fairy will n