Doctors Without Boarders

A city slicker was out driving at about 50 mph along a country road when he noticed that a chicken was running beside his car and keeping up.
The city slicker speeds up to 60 mph and the chicken is still keeping up.
He ended up at the farm where the chicken lived, so he asked the farmer about how the chicken could run so fast.
“Well, he has three legs. You see, I like chicken to eat chicken legs, so I breed them to have three legs.”
The city slicker asked if they tasted good.
The farmer answered, “I don’t know. We haven’t caught one yet.”
••••••••••
A man walks into a bar in the south, the bartender asks “do you have any ID?”
The man answers, “About what”
••••••••••
Ego and Super Ego walk into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m going to need some Id.’’
••••••••••
The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girlfriend’s father, “Son, can you support a family?”
“Well, no, sir,” he replied. “Your daughter and I were thinking we’d just have to support ourselves, the rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.”
••••••••••
An Auburn student, soon after arriving at a campus party, becomes captivated by a beautiful coed and asks her if she had eyeballed any “potential dates” at the party.
“I’m much more attracted to the strong academic types than to the party animals,” she said. “What’s your G.P.A.?”
“About 25 in the city and 30 on the highway,” he replied.
••••••••••
The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm.
“I wonder why he didn’t land,” I said.
“He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed,” the man said.
“It looks plowed to me,” I commented.
“No,” my seat mate said. “It hasn’t been cleared for some time.”
“How can you tell?” I asked.
“Because,” the man answered, “I’m the guy who drives the plow.”
••••••••••
Two doctors decided to invest in an Air BnB. Despite all their marketing, they couldn’t attract even a single customer.
So they decided to call their venture “Doctors Without Boarders.”
••••••••••
A woman walks into a fabric shop and says, “May I have three yards of Satan, please? I’m making a dress for my sister.”
“I believe you mean satin, ma’am,” the shopkeeper replies. “Satan is something that looks like the devil.”
“Oh, then you’ve seen my sister,” she replied.
••••••••••
A young man at the golf course asked if he could caddy for me.
“You have to count my strokes,” I said. “How much is six plus three?”
“Five,” he answered.
“Okay,” I said, “You’re hired.”
••••••••••
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: ‘Hello’
WOMAN: ‘Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?’
MAN: ‘Yes’
WOMAN: ‘I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?’
MAN: ‘Sure, go ahead if you like it that much..’
WOMAN: ‘I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2010 Models. I saw one I really liked.’
MAN: ‘How much?’
WOMAN: ‘$90,000’
MAN: ‘OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.’
WOMAN: ‘Great! Oh, and one more thing…the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.’
MAN: ‘Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it’s really a pretty good price.’
WOMAN: ‘OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!’
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment.
He turns and asks: ‘Anyone know who this phone belongs to?’
••••••••••
Did you hear about the angler who baited his hook with peanut butter?
All he would catch was jellyfish!