A guy asks his neighbor in an apartment building, “Mr Trepper, you live directly above me and you have the same 2-room apartment as I do. How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy when you moved in?
“We got 18 rolls,” answers the neighbor.
Two months later the guy meets his neighbor again and says, “It’s really funny – I put the wallpaper on everywhere and I still had 10 rolls left over.”
Neighbor smiles, “Yeah, so did we.“
The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”
Y wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I am 60!”
Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”
Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.”
Doctor: “Don’t answer!”
A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”
A man called his mother in Florida, “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
Doctors at a hospital in New York have gone on strike!
Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.
An attorney called the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him urgently. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.
“Judge Jones has just died,” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.”
The governor replied, “Well, it’s okay with me if it’s okay with the undertaker.”
The official glossary to running late…