The difference between a salon and a saloon

Faithful Reader David Frank shares this one:
How can you tell when it’s raining while working outside in the summer in Alabama?
You can’t. You are always wet!
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I had an uncle who was allergic to cotton.
He got some pills for the condition but couldn’t get them out of the bottle.
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Instructor: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Student: What are the two things?
Instructor: Your feet.
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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. After noticing there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar, he asks the barman what they are for.
The barman replies, “If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar $100. Do you want to give it a try?”
The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, “Nah, no thanks. The steaks are too high!”
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There is an attorney who is a partner in a small firm. A poor little old lady comes into his office to pay the last $100 of her bill in cash. The attorney kicks back in his chair and looks at the $100 bill between his forefinger and thumb and realizes he has not one but two crisp $100 bills.
Now this is his ethical quandary: Does he have to share the extra $100 bill with his partner?
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“I’m going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance,” a son says to his mother.
When he walks in the door with three girls following behind him his mother points one out without blinking an eye. “It’s that one,’’ she says.
“How in the world did you know it was her?” asks the son.
“I just don’t like her,” she replied.
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• He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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They all laughed when I said I was going to write a joke column in The Mullet Wrapper. Well, they’re not laughing now.
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If at any point I’ve offended any of you, I sincerely beg you to improve yourselves so that it doesn’t happen again. Thank you for understanding. LoL
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A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
“Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” the man said.
“Aw, Dad, it’s probably okay,” the son said. “The police car right behind us just did the same thing.”
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Long time friends Sylvia & Wanda meet up in Heaven!!
Sylvia: Hi Wanda.
Wanda: Hi Sylvia. How’d you die?
Sylvia: I froze to death.
Wanda: How horrible!
Sylvia: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
Wanda: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
Sylvia: So, what happened?
Wanda: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. Finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
Sylvia: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer first. We’d both still be alive.
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“I had just the worst day,” said the crop duster. “This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing on the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out.
On my way home, I stopped at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, ‘Don’t you have any cold beer?’
The bartender said, ‘Sorry, but we’ve been out of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line.'”
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What is the difference between a salon and a saloon?
A salon is where you go to make yourself look better.
A saloon is where you go to make everyone else look better.
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“How is your new job at the factory?” one guy asked another.
“I’m not going back there.”
“Why not?”
“For many reasons,” he answered. “The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language – they just couldn’t put up with it.”