The latest reports from the Internal Revenue service

Did anyone hear about George Clooney’s new genealogical website?
It’s called, “Oh, Brother Where Art Thou.”
••••••••••
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
••••••••••
At the supermarket, a woman shopped with her four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, “Mommy! Mommy!” while she tried to shop.
Finally, she blurted out, “I don’t want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!”
The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother’s dress and said, “Excuse me, miss.”
••••••••••
A man had been giving $1,000 every month to a beggar outside his office for quite some time.
One day, he handed him only $750.
The beggar was surprised, but thought to himself, “Well, it’s still a lot. Better than nothing.”
The next month, the man gave him only $500.
This time, the beggar couldn’t hold back. He said, “You used to give me $1,000, then $750, and now just $500? What’s going on?”
The man sighed and explained that he was no longer financially comfortable and was facing many unexpected expenses involving his children. “I can only afford to give you $500,” he said.
The beggar frowned and asked, “How many children do you have?”
The man replied, “Four.”
The beggar snapped, “And you expect to put all four of them through college — with my money?”
••••••••••
• Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you! – Pericles (430 B.C.)
• No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. – Mark Twain (1866 )
• The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. – Winston Churchill
• The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. – Mark Twain
• A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. – Thomas Jefferson
••••••••••
After moving to the U.S., a Chinese doctor struggled to find work in a hospital. So, he opened a small clinic with a clever sign out front:

“Treatment for $20 — If not cured, get $100 back!”
One day, an American lawyer saw the sign and walked in confidently.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from Box No. 22. Three drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer: “Bleh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Congratulations — your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
Annoyed but determined, the lawyer returned a few days later.
Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box No. 22 again. Three drops.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!”
Doctor: “Wonderful — your memory’s back! That’ll be $20.”
Now thoroughly frustrated, the lawyer made one last attempt to win.
Lawyer: “My eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “I’m sorry. I don’t have a cure for that. Here’s your $100.”
The doctor handed him a $10 bill.
Lawyer: “Hey, wait a minute… this is just $20!”
Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is restored. That’ll be $20.”
••••••••••
Three politicians were in a bar having a heated discussion as to which one was the best liar. The bartender suggested they have a liars contest.
The first politician says, “I have never told a lie,”
The second indicated that he was not capable of telling a lie.
The third won the prize as he assured the bartender that, “The other two had told the exact truth.”
••••••••••
Photographer to young man: “It will make a much better picture if you put your hand on your father’s shoulder.”
Father: “It would be much more realistic if he had his hand in my pocket.”
••••••••••
The latest reports from the Internal Revenue service shows that it has streamlined its tax form for the next the year.
It goes like this:
A. How much did you make last year?
B. How much do you have left?
C. Send B.