When you win, nothing hurts

In honor of the start of the season that makes life especially worth living, we bring you some old and new quotes from the coaches and barbs from fans.
Why do Auburn fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
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How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a sophomore course.
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How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, ” Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”
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What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
“Will the defendant please rise.”
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How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?
There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week. The other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the Kansas football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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How do you get a former LSU football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
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A car contains a Georgia running back, linebacker, and defensive back. Who is driving the car? The cop.
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What are the three longest years of a Mizzou football player’s life?
His freshman year.
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A genius sitting in the Alabama student section will be called what?
A visitor.
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Do you know the difference between a Dallas Cowboy fan and Carp?
One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
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“I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.”
– Bear Bryant / Alabama
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“It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!”
– Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
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“At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat. That costs money, and we don’t have any.”
– Erik Russell / GA. Southern
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“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.”
– Lou Holtz / Arkansas
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“When you win, nothing hurts.”
– Joe Namath / Alabama
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“I don’t expect to win enough to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.”
– Bob Devaney / Nebraska
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“In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.”
– Wally Butts / Georgia
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“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.”
– Alex Karras / Iowa
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“My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.”
– Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
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“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.”
– Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
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” Always remember Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David.”
– Shug Jordan / Auburn
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“I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me ”
He said, “Well, Walt, you weren’t any good.”
– Walt Garrison / Cowboys
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“If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”
– Murray Warmath / Minnesota
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“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.”
– John McKay / USC
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“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.”
– Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
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“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
– Urban Meyer / Ohio State