Why do Dasher and Dancer enjoy coffee so much?

Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings. One by one. As each relative goes home.
••••••••••
A surgeon was invited to Thanksgiving dinner at a friend’s house.
The host deftly carved the turkey and said, “I’d make a pretty good surgeon, don’t you think?”
The surgeon replied, “Anybody can take it apart. Let’s see you put it back together again.”
••••••••••
Why do Dasher and Dancer enjoy coffee so much?
Because they’re Santa’s star bucks!
••••••••••
An officer while walking his beat sees a lady walking a skunk along the sidewalk.
He says, “Hey lady, why do you have the skunk?”
“This is my Social Distancing Support Animal!”
••••••••••
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it.
My skin got flushed and my heart raced, I got sweaty and short of breath. It’s too dangerous.
••••••••••
The cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought I would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he said.
“Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy that,” I responded.
••••••••••
It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.
She’ll be happy to know I got the hint.
I got her a magazine rack!
••••••••••
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
••••••••••
I taught a wolf to meditate. Now he’s an aware wolf!
••••••••••
A Union President was sitting at his son’s bedside getting ready to read him a bedtime story.
He starts out, “Once upon a time and a half…”
••••••••••
A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he’s sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, “I’ll have another waterloo.”
The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink.
Thinking the other man’s drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, “I’ll have a waterloo, too.”
The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink and the customer takes a big drink.
“Hey,” he says. “This isn’t any good. It tastes just like water!”
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, “Well, it is water. Right, Lou?
••••••••••
I asked my phone, “Siri, why am I so bad with women?”
She said, “I’m Alexa you moron.”
••••••••••
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
••••••••••
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
••••••••••
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway.
••••••••••
Me: Sobbing my heart out, “I can’t see you anymore. I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”
Trainer: “It was one sit-up. You did one sit-up.”
••••••••••
A hitchiker asked me if I was afraid he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
••••••••••
I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test.
••••••••••
Patient: Doctor, I’m thinking that I may be losing my hearing.
Doctor: Can you tell me what you know of the symptoms?
Patient: Homer is bald and fat, Marge has blue hair.
••••••••••
Before setting off on a business trip to Tulsa, I called the hotel where I’d be staying to see if they had a gym. The hotel receptionist’s sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it when she answered.
“We have over 300 guests at at this facility,” she said. “Does this ‘Jim’ have a last name?”
••••••••••
My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly bear on each bicep.
I told her she is infringing on my right to bear arms!
••••••••••
My brother took going to jail badly. He refused food, drinks, he spat on and swore at anybody who came near him, and started throwing things everywhere.
After that we never played Monopoly again.