The lighter side of the 4th of July

The lighter side of the 4th of July…
• How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
• What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liber-tea.
• What’s the difference between a duck & George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.
• What was George Washington’s favorite tree?
The infantry.
• What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
• What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
• If you crossed a Patriot with a curly-haired dog, what would you get?
A Yankee Poodle.
• What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
Dino-mite!
• What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of ’76!
uee Weed TThu FFrrii SSaatt
••••••••••
Consultant: “How many people work at your company?”
Business Owner: “About half of them.’’
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My boss calls me the computer. I go into sleep mode if unattended for 15 minutes.
••••••••••
A little boy was sitting on a step eating candy as fast as he could unwrap it. A man passing by saw what he was doing and said that candy was not good for him and would spoil his dinner.
The little boy said I don’t know about that, but my gran dpa lived to be 102.
The man said wow, you mean by eating candy?
The little boy said no, by minding his own business.
••••••••••
Waitress: “How Did you find your steak sir?”
Me: “I just looked next to the potatos and there it was.’’
••••••••••
Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir?”
Me: “Like winning an argument with my wife.”
Waiter: “Rare it is.”
••••••••••
Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing with strangers.
••••••••••
As I watched a dog chase its tail, I thought that dogs are so easily amused. Then I realized I was watching a dog chase its tail.
••••••••••
A frantic young woman calls out a May Day.
“My pilot has had a heart attack and is dead and I don’t know how to fly.’
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
“This is Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Everything will be fine! What are your height and position?”
The woman says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m in the front seat.”
“O.K,” says the voice on the radio…
“Now, repeat after me….Our Father Who art in Heaven……”
••••••••••
Jesus and Satan held a contest to see who was the best programer with God as the judge.
They sat at their computers and typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power was restored, and God asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan cried, “I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out.”
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers.
Satan was astonished. He stuttered, “But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”
God chuckled. “Jesus Saves,”
he said.