Funny Bones
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Tequila Mockingbird
What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature? Tequila Mockingbird. ••••••••• Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to...
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I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes
Me: “I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.” Friend: “How?” Me: “I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.” •••••••••• Artist: “This...
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over wit
Johnny: “Why does it rain, dad?” Father: “To make the flowers grow and the grass and the trees.” Johnny: “So why does it rain on...
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Four priests in New York went golfing
Four priests in New York went golfing wearing typical “golfer” outfits. After a while, their caddy asked, “You guys wouldn’t be priests by any chance?”...
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My brain travels at the speed of light
The zoo keeper found a new employee standing uneasy next to the lion’s cage. Zoo keeper: “Didn’t I tell you that when the lion is...
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There is great need for a sarcasm font
I t’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference...
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England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of...
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Different views on doing laundry
A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A...
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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch
•••••••••• Child: “Mom, can I go out to play?” Mom: “What? With those holes in your pants?” Child: “No, with the kids next door.” ••••••••••...
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Bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims to the whole...
