Walking can add minutes to your life.

Nancy Astor, britains first female MP, said to Winston Churchill, “If I was married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.”
Churchill is said to have replied, “If I was your husband, I’d drink it.”
An atheist is rowing a boat on the Loch Ness, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster appears from the water. It breaks his boat and as he is treading water, it turns towards him, opening its mouth to devour him.
The atheist cries: “God! Please! Help me!”
Suddenly, the clouds part, the light from heavens shine on him, and the voice of God says: “Oh? I thought you don’t believe in me?”
“Oh, come on,” grumbles the atheist, “a minute ago, I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster, either!”
What do you call 10 rabbits in a row going backwards? A receding hare line.

As she looked around the empty parking lot, the woman called the police and confessed that she had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen before calling her husband. Wife: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
Husband: “Are you kidding me?” I dropped you off!”
Wife: “Well, come and get me.”
Husband: “I will; just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your damn car!”
Wife : I am not talking to you.
Husband : Okay.
Wife : Don’t you want to know the reason?
Husband : No I trust and respect your decision, honey.
Wife : I lost my keys again!
Husband : It’s in your jeans.
Wife : Don’t drag my family into this.
Husband : The guy your friend is going to marry is not a nice man. Stop her.
Wife : Why should I? Did she stop me?
Wife : I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.
Husband : Your eye sight is damn near perfect.
A cowboy walks into a seedy old café, sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of meaty chili.
After a few minutes of just watching him staring at the chili, the young cowboy asks the old cowboy, “If you ain’t gonna eat that, mind if I do?”
“Nah, you go ahead,” the old cowboy replied.
The young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili and immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.
“Yep, that’s as far as I got, too,” said the old cowboy.
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses.
“Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear,’’ says the husband. “They found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.’’
“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.
“No time at all,” says her husband. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”
Doctor: “I have some good news and some bad news.”
Patient: “What’s the bad news, doc?”
Doctor: “You have cancer and you’re going to die.”
Patient: “That’s terrible news! What could the good news possibly be?’’
Doctor: “Well, you also have Alzheimer’s.”
Patient: You’re right, doc! That is good news! At least I don’t have cancer!”
Question: How much should I spend on a really good bottle of wine? Half an hour? Twenty minutes?
For over 40 years, my grandfather put in long hours at his job, so I was more than a little curious about the way he filled his days since his retirement. “How has life changed?”
A man of few words, he replied, “Well I get up in the morning with nothing to do, and I go to bed at night with it half done.”
Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where he is.