How to get rid of telemarketer

After years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
“Yes, you were son,” his mother said as she started to cry softly. “But it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”
quit you!”
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My significant other and I were discussing mistakes we have made in our relationship.
I suggested she should embrace her mistakes.
She then hugged me.
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One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks, “Does your dog bite?”
The old man replies, “No, never.”
When the man bends down to pet the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says, ‘I thought you said your dog did not bite!”
“I did,” replies the old man, “but this isn’t my dog!”
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I called a contractor that advertised free quotes.
So I asked for one.
The man said, “To be or not to be, that is the question.”
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Officer: “I have an interesting case here. A woman just shot her husband for walking on the floor she just mopped.’’
Captain: “Have you arrested the woman?”
Officeer: “Not yet. The floor is still wet.’’
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I accidentally wore a red shirt to target and, to make a long story short, I am covering for Madelyn on Saturday.
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Where can I find a smoke detector that turns itself off when you yell, “I’m just cooking.’’
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I had a mix-up at the supermarket today. Apparently when the cashier said, “strip down, facing me,’’ she was referring to my credit card.
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Did you hear about the angler who baited his hook with peanut butter?
All he would catch was jellyfish!
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I wrote, “You’re an idiot,” on my mates cast…just to add insult to injury!
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How to get rid of telemarketers…
• Tell the telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.
• Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
• Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on Leon! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”
• Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…louder… louder…
• Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
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Finland has closed it’s border. Now no one can cross the Finnish line.
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I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics. Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.
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“What’s that piece of cord tied around your finger for?”
“My wife put it there to remind me to take a letter to the Post Office.”
“And did you mail it?”
“No, she forgot to give me the letter.”
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I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it and told it to “go to hell.”
Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.
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Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 25-foot putt. As he lined it up, he announced, “I have a dollar bill that says I make this putt. Anyyone want to bet?”
His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, “I can make this putt.”
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Lenny was using an open bowl of gasoline to wash some parts for the transmission he was repairing. Distracted by a customer, he returned to his project to find his dog Inky drinking the gasoline from the bowl. He yelled at the dog, who took off running. In fact, Inky ran around the house three times before finally falling over.
“Is he dead?” asked our neighbor Ruth.
“No,” Lenny replied. “I think he ran out of gas.”
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I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it and told it to “go to hell.”
Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house.
••••••••• bv