Who is the meanest reindeer in Santa’s herd?
A few political quotes courtesy of Ed Lemm…
“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.’’
-Henry Cate, VII
“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.”
-Aesop
“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.”
Nikita Khrushchev
“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.’’
– John Quinton
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Wife: “Our new neighbors are so in love. He kisses her, strokes her hair and hugs her. Why don’t you do that?”
Husband: “Because I don’t know her that well yet.’’
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My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.
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Woman: Every time you smile I feel like inviting you to my place.
Man: Are you single?
Woman: No, I’m a dentist.
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The principal of the local elementary school called today and said, “Your son is telling lies.’’
I replied, “He must be really good. I don’t have any kids.”
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An emergency call: “Come quick, my friend was bitten by a wolf!”
Operator: “Where?”
Caller: “No, a regular one!”
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Who is the meanest reindeer in Santa’s herd?
Olive. You’ve heard the song: “Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.”
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A hunting party is hopelessly lost. “I thought you said you were the best guide in Maine!” one of the hunters angrily said to their confused leader.
“I am, “replied the guide. “But I think we’re in Canada now.”
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An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road, hurrying to get to church on time. Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground.
Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor called out, “All you angels in heaven, help me get up on my horse!”
With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse’s back and fell off the other side. From the ground again, he called out, “All right, just half of you angels this time!”
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A preacher, after finding a dress costing $250 in her bag, said to his wife, “You know we are on an incredibly tight budget.
The wife admitted that she was wrong but explained she was tempted by the devil who followed her to the shopping mall.
“Resist the devil with the command, ‘Get behind me, Satan,” said the preacher.
“I did,’’ replied his wife, “And he said ‘The dress even looks good from back here.'”
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• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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A man was putting up a knotty pine wall in the living room. His young son was curious.
“What are those holes for?” he asked.
“They’re knotholes,” replied the father.
“If they’re not holes,” the boy asked, “then what are they?”
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A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology.
A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.
“Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said.
“So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.”
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Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.
As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and