The essay below is courtesy of seasoned senior and faithful reader John Magnon of Fairhope.
rains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe that much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.
Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline. The human brain works slower in old age, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.
Now when I reach for a word or a name, I won’t blame it on having a senior moment. Now, I’ll say it is because my disk is full.
A pick pocket was pronounced guilty and sentenced to pay a $200 fine by the judge. His defense lawyer, knowing that his client could not pay the fine, pleaded with the judge asking, “Your honor, my client can only afford $50. But if you allow him a few minutes in the crowd.”
“Didn’t you suspect burglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor?” asked the policeman.
“No,” began the wife, “I just thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt.”
Bob: “I took a big fall, fell off a 50 ft ladder.”
Jim: “Oh wow, are you okay?”
Bob: “Yeah, it’s a good thing I only fell off the first step.”
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Little Johnny replies, “Because George was the one holding the axe?”
Stig and Stan are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.
Stig, a banker, says to Stan, “You know I don’t swim so well.”
Stan remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. He begins tugging his friend toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to get tired.
Finally about 50 feet from shore, he asks his friend, “So Stig, do you suppose you could float alone?”
Stig replies, “Stan, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!”
The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month’s to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up.
“What will you do for the last six months?” asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, “I think I’ll go and live with my Mother-in-law.”
Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, “Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?”
“Because it’ll be the longest six months of my life!”
Tony was a pianist and was practicing late one night when the landlord knocked on the door.
The landlord asked, “Do you know there is a sick lady upstairs?”
“No, I don’t,’’ replied Tony. “But if you hum a few bars I’ll see what I can do.’’
Dentist: “Little Johnny, you’re not brushing your teeth very well. Do you know what comes after decay?’’
Little Johnny: “De L?”
A woman said to her friend, “I don’t know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can’t imagine. He doesn’t put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things and cleaning up.”
The friend says, “Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, ‘Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.’”
The first woman asked, “Did it help?”
Her friend said, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since.”
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
I have decided to retire and live off my savings…Though I’m not sure what I will use the second week.
There was a Minnesota phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Irishmen.
So the boss met with both teams and said: “Here’s what we’ll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job.
Both teams headed right out.
At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they’d put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back and they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, “Well, how many poles did you guys install?”
Ole, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, “Sven and me, we got three in.”
The boss gasped, “Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!”
“Oh Yah,” said Ole, “but you should see how much they left stickin’ out of the ground!”